When I first started dating my partner, his mum didn’t like me. And to be honest, she still doesn’t. It is something I have been quietly working through.
It has made me question whether I should continue this relationship, even though we love each other a lot.
For many men, the two most important women in their lives are their mum and their partner.
When these two roles clash, it causes an emotional struggle that is tough to handle.
And truthfully, it is one of the hardest challenges I have faced in love so far.
Below are three ways I have learned over the years for dealing with in-laws who don’t like you:
1. Communication
Men are often slower to recognise when something is off between you and his family.
What feels like just a normal conversation to him might carry a completely different tone or meaning for you.
Remember, we come from completely different backgrounds—how we grew up, the family culture, the language, and the way our families communicate can all be very different.
If something doesn’t sit right with you when your in-laws say something, the best thing you can do is talk to your partner and let him know how it made you feel.
If it becomes a repeated pattern, gently remind your partner about your boundaries with their family.
I have let my partner know that when he is on the phone with his family, I prefer to give him that space without listening in or getting involved. This way, he can have his time with them, and then share with me any important things we both need to know.
It is not about hiding — it is really about giving both of us peace of mind. I don’t have to listen, and they don’t hear me. It is a total win-win to me!
2. Let them
One of the most popular theories about “Let Them” theory comes from Mel Robbins.
I first discovered this idea through her podcast, and it really changed how I think and react to my in-laws.
The core of the theory is simple but powerful: instead of trying to control or fix others, or letting their negativity affect you, you accept them as they are and focus on your own peace of mind.
You “let them be” without trying to change their feelings or opinions.
For me, this meant learning to step back when my partner’s family said something hurtful or dismissive. Instead of trying to argue or win their approval, I reminded myself that their opinions don’t define me.
This mindset helped me stay calm and protected my emotional wellbeing, even when things felt tense.
Since embracing this approach, I have felt a huge shift. It’s helped me release frustration and anxiety, and it is truly healed my mind and soul.
You have to let them.
Mel Robbins
Let them talk badly about you.
Let them hate you.
Let them look down on you.
Let them be who they need to be.
Because it is all out of your control — you can’t control how others perceive you. But what you can control is your mindset and how you respond to them.
At the end of the day, they don’t know the trauma you have been through. Your mental health is far more important than their opinions.
So, take care of yourself — your thoughts, your feelings, and your mind.
3. Self-development
I can’t stress enough how important your personal development is. Whether it is learning new skills, picking up new hobbies, or focusing on self-care—these are the building blocks that shape you into a better version of yourself.
As you continue growing day by day, you are not only achieving your personal goals—you are also giving your in-laws the chance to slowly see who you truly are.
What matters most is that you stay true to yourself, keep showing up, and continue becoming the person you are proud of.
Let your growth speak louder than words—because in the end, it is not about proving anything to them, but becoming everything you were meant to be.
Not everyone will understand your journey. And that’s okay.
Your job is not to make them understand.
Your job is to keep going.
To keep growing.
To keep becoming.
For example, when I first started dating my partner, I didn’t have a job or any savings. What I did have was my personality—and a strong commitment to learn, grow, and work hard.
Back then, I often felt overwhelmed. I would cry myself to sleep, feeling like I wasn’t good enough.
But over time, I started applying for jobs, and eventually, I landed a corporate role completely on my own.
That is when his family slowly began to see who I really was and what I was capable of.
Self-development has helped me become mentally and emotionally stronger. When things do not go my way, or when people talk behind my back, I have learned to shift my focus inward—on myself.
Start working on yourself. Find what lights you up, what makes you feel alive—and focus on it with everything you have got.
Final Thoughts
You can’t force anyone to like you. What you can do is focus on what’s within your control—letting them be, and working on yourself to become the best version of who you are.
When things get hard, don’t keep it all to yourself. Let your partner know how you are feeling so they can support and understand you.
A true partner won’t ignore your pain—they will work through it with you, side by side, finding a way to compromise and move forward together.
